Tuesday, February 17, 2009

I didn't mean to ruin your evening, I just bruise easily.

So guess what I gave my son for Valentine's day! A black eye. Seriously, I did. Well, I didn't physically but might as well have.

Dom and I decided to go to Mega Gym together on Saturday and workout together. It was a lot of fun despite him making me do push ups in front of all the other worker-outers. And since I can't actually do push ups, I had to do the girly knee push ups.

So after crunches with my ass over my head, lifting my leg like a dog at a fire hydrant for several reps, and feeling like an asthmatic on the elliptical machine...I went to go pick up Michael out of the childcare center.

I walk in to see my son being carried around sporting a huge knot and matching caliber bruise under his right eye. I got greeted with "I was just about to call you back here," which is the equivalent of answering the phone with "I was just about to call you" and you both know that's just a cover up because you totally forgot that person existed.

Apparently my son gets his grace from me because he tripped over a toy and banged his face on the corner of a cabinet. Something he had just done two days before that, only outside and on the corner of a lawn chair. Luckily he had already healed up from that one so he wouldn't have a black eye AND a scrapes on his nose. It would totally ruin his modeling gigs. And I'd probably get arrested for child endangerment.

So all weekend we had people giving him googly faces and Dom and I What the hell? looks. Real awesome for social events like Valentine's dates and Mardi Gras parades. On Monday, Dom was playing around and almost hit me in the face. I thought that would look real great for him if both his wife and son had a shiner.

In summation, I unwittingly lock my dogs up in bedrooms for hours, neglect my cat by forgetting to let him back in from the garage, and let the people that watch my son for two hours damage his face. Somebody get me a sash and a crown! I'm the best mother ever.

In honor of Michael's misfortune this weekend, here is today's gift. Maybe putting a cold one on his eye will help, kinda like raw steak.

Today's subject line quote is May Wynn, "The Caine Mutiny" (1954).


  1. I think I told you, didn't I, when I broke my finger and the prosecutor in the domestic violence unit was CONVINCED that hubby did it to me? He wanted me to press charges and everything!!

    I would have loved it if Dom hit you only because of how funny it would be to see his apologetic face walking around town with a wife and kid with black eyes. Otherwise, he better not hit you. OR I'LL KILL HIM. His dad would too!

  2. That's so funny! Bil is way too laid back to the wife-beating type.



Follow me. I might lead you somewhere you haven't been.