Thursday, July 5, 2012

You look like the Fourth of July! Makes me want a hot dog real bad!

     Hey, remember my last post about how I was having surgery in early July and I was all miffed about having to wait until then?  Just kidding. The universe got all askew and caught up with me.  Instead, I got to start a conversation at my dentists office with this:

"I need to reschedule my surgery to next month.  My husband is going to the North Pole."

     As it turns out, he's not actually going to the North Pole.  He is, however, farting around on a Canadian Coast Guard vessel in the Arctic Ocean, off the coast of Alaska for 3 weeks.  He left July 2nd and I celebrated Independence Day by not having any.  It's become a tradition since Dom's been gone about 3 of the last 5. 
     I've become increasingly crotchety and hermit-like over the holiday.  It's usually so hot out that I refuse to go outside for fear of catching fire and therefore condemn anyone else lighting fireworks in my vicinity out of jealousy.  Especially when they last for the surrounding 72 hours.  (It was always like that in Slidouche.  If there was a reason to shoot fireworks, they lasted for days.  New Years, January 2nd, 3rd, and 4th, 4th of July, Saints football games, I'm crazy and want to shoot fireworks at my girlfriend during a fight outside our trailer Day....Okay that never happened, but if it had occurred to them, I'm positive it would have.)

 He'll also be gone for my birthday, so I demand that he bring me back at least a baby seal...if not an adult penguin.  And my ultimate preference would be an infant polar bear holding a bottle of coke.

     But back to my surgery!  This isn't even my last rescheduling.  Now I have to call them back AGAIN and tell them that MetLife is full of douchebaggery and that I'd like to move my procedure back until their office is covered under the "preferred" dentist program.  Otherwise, I'll have to sell a kidney to fund this endeavor and then wait for that to heal before having my teeth ripped out.

     My life is awesome.  And I mean that in the sense that I am truly awe-struck every time stuff like this comes up.  Maybe even out of the sheer ridiculousness of its frequency.  We also have to have Michael's tonsils out because they're the size of Buicks and he sounds like a cross between Darth Vader with a head cold and an asthmatic English Bulldog when he sleeps.  So that's going to be fun.  Right?

     At least we get to take a HUGE vacation this December.  It includes Disneyland, Sea World, the San Diego Zoo, possibly Lego Land, and getting to see our amazing friends Meredith and Eddie again (whom we haven't seen since about 2008)!  Oh, and a 7 day cruise to Mexico, sans children.  What??!  None of us are terminally ill and it all occurs after the proposed Mayan-Zombie Apocalypse, so not really sure why we felt it was necessary to fit a decade's worth of fun into about 3 weeks.  But definitely looking forward to it!

Today's subject line quote is from Legally Blonde 2:  Red, White, and Blonde. (2003)


Follow me. I might lead you somewhere you haven't been.