Thursday, January 29, 2009

Human contact... crushing... Goth... indifference...

I have a goth baby. He may not be into the piercings and dark soul mumbo jumbo just yet, but he's definitely got the makeup covered.

Lately, my little button pusher has been sneaking into my bathroom and playing in the drawers. He steals various beauty supplies and hides them all over the house. Yesterday he pulled out a blush brush from his toy box and proceeded to give me a makeover. He's dab the brush on the sofa and them apply linty dog hair to my face. I kept asking, "Is Mommy pretty?" and he'd reply with a head shake until he was finished assaulting me with my own makeup brush. Then, he finally said "Yeah."

What makes him a goth baby, you ask? Oh, today he did his usual rooting around and nicking eyeliner from my top drawer and I didn't pay much attention. When I did eventually turn to look at what the munchkin was doing, he was covered in black lipstick. All over his precious, emo face and hands.

Since abut 6:30 this morning I've been following him with a wet rag trying to clean the angst off his fingers...and my walls. There are little black hand prints smudged over EVERYTHING. It's even on his teeth! Really the smudging over his face and blacked out teeth make him look more like a redneck kid than a goth baby. Regardless, I'm so proud?

You want your gift or what? Today I'm giving you all this
and this to go with it

Today's subject line quote is Samantha "Sam" Manson, "Danny Phantom" (2004) {Flirting with Disaster (#2.11)}.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

You know, the sun is the real silent killer. And not just direct sun, also second-hand sun.

In my infinite boredom lately, I stumbled upon an article on yahoo between playing rounds of Chuzzle and Puzzle Inlay. It was one of those news stories in the top feed that they feature on the homepage. You know, the ones they cycle out a sciency one with a trashy celebrity story and then back to a political hotspot?

It was a sciency one. And in honor of my missing husband, I clicked on it to somehow telepathically impress him with my quest for cosmological knowledge. It's all about how scientists are preparing to explore the side of the sun that we haven't seen yet. You can read about it here: First View of the Dark Side of the Sun.

The more I read, the more I realized that they want to study the "dark side" of the sun to better predict solar flares. Yeah, they want to give the sun an colonoscopy to understand when it's going to fart.

That's all. I simply have a juvenile sense of humor and felt obligated to share it. For those of you more into slapstick comedy, I did spill coffee all over my floor 2 seconds after accidentally unplugging the laptop. I sort of juggled the coffee mug like a hot potato for a bit before it rolled off my arm, liquid streaming the whole time. At least my room smells like hazelnut now, right?

Now for your gift! How bout some bangin', light up sunglasses?

Today's subject line quotes is Jim Maxwell, "Action" (1996) {Twelfth Step to Hell}(#1.6)}.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

What's the rush? I got enough grease slapped on me to lubricate a diesel.

While Dom has been away, I have found a new love. A French lover, by the name of Batiste!

Let me back up a bit. My sisters chipped in to get me a gift card to for my birthday back in July. I promptly used that puppy on a cool as hell drawing table for the computer, but it left me with a whopping 5 dollars left over. Since then, I have been shopping around when I get bored looking for oddities that can only be found on a wonderland like Amazon.

Nothing was striking my five dollar fancy, when I read an article about hair care in one of my girly magazines. It was the usual la-di-dah about how one shouldn't wash their hair every day because it's damaging and so forth. Unfortunately for me, I have the world's worst hair for that. It needs washing at least every 12 hours. And I've tried about everything!

Washing hair at night? Nope, I guess I sweat a lot under the covers because I wake up with enough grease in my hair to fry potatoes. A lot of hollywood starlets like to use the baby powder trick too! Wanna know what that does? Gives my hair white speckles and goes right back to nasty in a couple of hours.

So the article suggested, for people with my problem, to try dry shampoo. I was blown away! I didn't know they made dry shampoo! Click, and proceed to checkout. It arrived yesterday and I looooooovvvvee it. It will be wonderful for those awful, no nap days when I can't take a shower. Or times when I have an appointment in the morning and don't want to wake up at 4 before the kiddo does to take a shower. Sweet!

So today's present is an amazon gift card worth $500 so you, too, can find your true love.

Today's subject line quote is from Coley, "Charlie's Angels" (1976) {Caged Angel #4.6)}.

Monday, January 26, 2009

I was wearing Bermuda shorts and that saddle was slick with toddler sweat!

What is it with kids wanting to get up before the sun does? I've been awake for 20 minutes now and I'm still waiting on that big, flaming ball to show up. Unfortunately, it's about 6:30 so I can't send the tot back to bed.

I'm really starting to appreciate everything that Dom does in the mornings. So far I've let the cat back in from his all night escapade, fed him and two dogs, calmed down the screaming baby, and fed the baby. That was all before I got a chance to pee, too!

Last night was the latest I've managed to stay up this whole week. Mad kudos for me making it to 10 p.m. everybody! I'm plum tuckered out. But at least the munchkin man went to bed at 8:00 last night and not 7-7:30 like he's been crashing lately. He's trying to get used to Dom being gone too. He's really been testing me to see what he can get away with, with only one parent around.

So far I've had him steal my wallet out of my purse and hide it in the kitchen drawer (later I also found my shampoo and deodorant in said drawer), learn to climb on the sofa (where I had to do a dive to catch him and keep him from cracking his head open and spilling brains everywhere), and had him climb on top of the dining room table...twice. Thanks to my mom's brilliant advice, I set up the pack n' play as a time out spot. That way I can actually ignore him during that time and he's less likely to do all that bad stuff. It also gives me 3 minutes to check my email or go to the bathroom without a toddler crying for me to come where he can reach me.

In addition to being Super Mom, I've also been pretty Suzy Homemaker in the boring parts of my day. I've kept the house pretty clean, done all the laundry, and even made homemade cookies. In fact, I was making those when Michael decided to start standing on top of the dining room table. I've even stopped using the dishwasher and started doing dishes by hand as they get dirty. It saves me time and is a little relaxing. Plus Michael likes to climb into the dishwasher when it's that doesn't work too well.

Sound like we've hit the terrible two's anyone? Parenthood is awesome though. He's also proven to be a big smarty pants lately and not just bratty. He has been bringing me books to read him, like hourly. One of which he can point out the animals when I ask where they are! And yesterday I gave him a piece of pizza that hadn't cooled off completely. Instead of putting it into his mouth he touched it, said "oh" and then blew on it.

Well, enough baby talk. I think he's done with his cereal I have to go get him before he tries to climb out of the high chair. I got him a booster seat for the table, but he sits pretty still in the mornings watching the Disney channel and eating his cheerios.

Your prize for enduring that long and incredibly boring email is some Swiss chocolates
and a Booze Belt.

Today's subject line quote is from Dr. Niles Crane, "Frasier" (1993) {You Can Go Home Again (#3.24)}.


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