Thursday, February 5, 2009

If I had a hole in my neck, I'd put pennies in it!

A lot of my friends on facebook have been posting pictures from this website called It's a virtual hotspot full of those goofy cardboard cutouts that you stick your face through and take pictures while on vacation. Only, instead of making your hubby the pirate wench or wifey the muscle man (which is still an option there) you can make yourself into a celebrity.

Since Jennifer Aniston and I have a similar head shape, as it turns out, I opted to be her. Now I'm totally growing my hair out...and getting skinnier...and hoping I have boobs like that when I turn 40....

I do secretly wish to be so skinny that I could be mistaken for a life-sized bobblehead, but for now I'll just photoshop my face onto other people's anorexic bodies. Like hers.

But we all know you're in it for my awesome personality and undeniable good humor. So I give you this guy.

Look up. That's today's present, you ungrateful bastards. I made myself into what I'm assuming to be Richard Simmon's stunt double just to make you all laugh. Go stick your face in a hole.

Today's subject line quote is Chris Griffin, "Family Guy" (1999).

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

You sacrificing someone on a mountaintop there, Cat?

So it was brought to my attention that many of you readers follow my life via this blog. And with that said, if I don't happen to blog for a few days...I might be dead to you. I am, indeed, not floating facedown in Lake Pontchartrain. Dead inside? A little.

Nah, I'm alright. I'm just super hellaferociously busy raising a child and trying desperately not to kill 2 dogs and a cat. I mean that in several ways. First, trying not to punch the disobedience out of them. Secondly, no neglect them to their untimely demise.

Yesterday I accidentally locked Miles in the bedroom for an hour. Because he's more of a big pussy than my actual cat, he doesn't whine or scratch at the door. He just sits in front of it waiting for somebody to stumble back into the room he's trapped in. And that's exactly how he was released.

My cat, however, I completely forgot to let out of the garage yesterday until it was time for dinner. I lock him in there overnight when I feed him so he doesn't decide to play a nocturnal game of capture the flag with my underpants all night long. I'm supposed to let him out and feed him again in the morning. But I'm the world's worst caretaker, EVER, and did neither. Two days in a row. Now he's on top of my fridge knocking off bags of cereal and lunchboxes in a mad fit of revenge.

Thank Blog there's only 30 more hours until Dom returns with my sanity. Maybe he'll remember to feed all the critters AND what rooms they were last in. He's awesome like that.

That is all. I will return with stories of Rosie's visit and trip down to New Orleans at a later date. For your gift today, you can have my dog.

Today's subject line quote is Chris Pirillo, "Call for Help" (1998).


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