Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Stimulating neurons... tampering with people's brainwaves... it just raises too many questions

I have had a miraculous and life-altering epiphany.

Turns out, Breathe Right Nasal Strips really do work. I've always been one of those cynical A-holes that assumed it was all a big load of dookie. My husband's used them off and on for years, but I figured he bought into the propaganda and psyched himself up for a miracle. Because, really, who expects a bandaid strapped to your nose to stretch your nostrils wide enough to breathe better?

Me. That's who.

But since I don't think I snore, there hasn't been much opportunity to give it a whirl. Except last night pollen must have invaded every crevice of my body because my eyes were puffy, I thought my skin was going to fall off from the constant scratching, and my nose was rather useless to me for all the snot occupying it.

Dom gave me one of his glorified bandaids. Of course I had to put it on crooked and waste one because I'm inept like that. But once I figured it all out, I slept great! I didn't wake up with that dry throat and crusty tounge that usually comes from breathing through my mouth for 8 hours. I don't think I even woke up in the middle of the night.

Maybe I need these things every night? Maybe I toss and turn because I do snore? What if I have Apnia like my dad and need to sleep with a machine strapped to my nose that blows air up my nostrils? Does this mean I can have a free nose job? Is this too many questions, like what Val Kilmer said to Jim Carey in Batman Forever that made him go insane and dress in green spandex littered with question marks?

Which is today's subject line quote! Bruce Wayne, "Batman Forever" (1995).


  1. You should have the doctor check to see if you have a deviated septum(like i did). After they did some fixing up with the nose, I have snored less and can breathe through my nose a LOT better, even though i never really noticed it before. Also, you might want to check out using allegra and/or flonaise, get the doctor to prescribe that stuff for you, the stuff is great.

  2. well...deviated septums (septa?) are caused by too much blow...didn't you see that movie?



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