I'm going through a strange phase. I've never experienced one like it before, either. Lately, I've been overthinking (no, that's not the unusual part), but as a result, I end up sensoring myself and remaining silent. It's as if I'm convincing myself that nothing I have to say either 1.) makes sense or 2.) is pure stupidity flavored word vomit.
As a new person at work, I usually jump to introduce myself and tell everyone the minor details of daily Cassidy. So far, I'm becoming miserly with my self info. I could withstand interrogation and not give up anything. That's NEVER been my reality. "Hi, I'm Cassidy and I can taste metal in my throat when I hear change jingle." Seriously, that's something I would tell you and is coincidently true. I spent hours in the car last weekend between my L.A. trip and going to Berkeley for concerts. I feel like I barely spoke. Even as I'm writing this, I'm wondering if there is a point.
Perhaps I'm bored with myself on some level. I have a fairly regular schedule of redesigning myself and I've been consistent the last few months. (Ignore the super short, awful haircut in this instance. It was accidental and not a welcomed change.) The reinvention keeps the depression from settling inm too. Most of my profiles I've used over the years have drastically different appearances on the user pics. When I was still using dating sites, that was a frequent observation--my look is different in every picture.
But, is it just complacency? Or have I reached a point in my life when I'm literally out of shit to say? How can I challenge myself?
I had some fantastic and life altering experiences this weekend, but I just can't even bring myself to try and describe any of it because every time I write out a sentence, I immediately quit and think it's the dumbest formation of words in English history. And we have Donald Trump for president, constantly speaking out of his orange, baboon-ass-face hybrid. How is anything I have to say more ignorant than his ignornant tete-a-tetes with his fellow, priviledged douche canoes (who seem to think they are the only ones living here on Earth).
Maybe later I'll give it a shot. Right now, I'm blogging at work in the middle of the Toyota showroom. I love my job.
Today's subject line quote is from Hedy Lamarr.
3 years ago