Monday, January 2, 2017

If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading.

In popular theory, 2016 was the year born of the depths of hell, bred of Lucifer and Wet Socks and set loose on the world to watch it consume itself with fear, grief, anger, and some indecipherable emotional standards that, likely,didn't exist previously.  But for me, 2016 was something else entirely.  Don't get me wrong, I'm setting fire to my calendar with a maniacal laugh--just like everyone else with a soul.  My sentiment is simple. This was the year I was created.  I can't help but feel grateful for my existence post self discovery, but like any newborn I've had infancy struggles.

I'm trying not to dwell on said struggles, so I'll just say that if your year was a rabid dog that bit you square in the ass then mine was the Demogorgon from Stranger Things.  

Moving forward, here are some gems that I've learned about myself in the recent months:

* I am not as organized as I once thought.  Perhaps it was the imposition of my ex-husband and his desire for perpetual planning and loathing for chaos, but I am impulsive and generally uncaring about the "how's" as long as it happens.  I have many superpowers, one of which is the ability to procrastinate at a professional level.  Like the time I put off getting my van registered for 10 months and it ended up impounded and I had to go to the DMV a total of 5 times before it was all taken care of.  But it got done, didn't it?

* More years of my life have been spent overweight than disgustingly thin.  I had a period of approximately 2.5 years (not even consecutively) when I was supermodel skinny.  But in my mind, that was my true self.  In reality, I am an average-sized woman.  And that's perfectly fine.  And with that, I've also come to terms with the fact that I am actually attractive, especially since dating again.

* Speaking of which, I'm 32 years old and I have never said "I love you" first.  Ever.  In fact, in every adult relationship I've had, save one, the other party has dropped the love bomb within the first 2 weeks of speaking to each other.  I don't know what that means.  Maybe I just choose emotionally unstable individuals?  Maybe I'm an irresistible love goddess?  Perhaps it was just indigestion and they were all very confused.

* My spacial awareness is only slightly better than that of a Roomba.  I continuously run into doorways and stationary objects.  This is both useful and frightening in roller derby. 

* After a lifetime of struggling, I was finally given a diagnosis in my mental health.  It's an illness and I have to treat it.  It isn't a rough patch and it isn't anything to be ashamed of.  It just is.

* This last one is ridiculously cheesy, but it's the most important.  I am the poster child for resilience.  This year's challenges have been hellish, but I've survived them.  I've broken down and become very familiar with my own mortality, thanks to my self destructive talents.  But I've always picked myself back up and moved forward.  There isn't anything I can't handle--I just have to keep reminding myself of that.

So, bring it 2017.  New life, new challenges as a single mom.  I will not simply survive this year, I'm going to live it.

Today's Subject Line Quote is from Lao Tzu


  1. You are you and you are loved.....even from far far away Slidouche.

    1. Couldn't agree more with Angel! We miss you & love you!!



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