Monday, March 29, 2010

G-L-A-M-O-R-O-U-S, yeah

I've been crunching the numbers--though I'm no good at math, just ask my husband. He did all of my homework from remedial through pre-calculus. At some point or another he'd just give up trying to teach me, do the problems to get me through the course, and send me to take the test with an encouraging "Try to make a D."

Nevertheless, number crunching is what I have been doing. And roughly one third of my day is dealing with pee.

My 9 year old beagle has taken the geriatric-retiree approach to life these days. And apparently, it's not worth her time to inform me that she has to make a tinkle. So I'm sucking up doggie whiz from various hot-spots on my carpet approximately 3 times a day.

I'm also potty training a 2 1/2 year old boy who thinks that crapping your underwear is always an option. So mopping up puddles, doing loads of laundry, and drawing baths are also a generous portion of my day. Not to mention that now if I don't stop moving immediately before I sneeze, I might have an accident myself.

So yesterday I was dressed for church in a beautiful sundress that I had just finished sewing the night before and trying to get Michael into some pants before we left...and I noticed that his room was smelling a bit yellow. One of the dogs had peed onto his plastic dresser that holds his toys. Like...would have had to hike a leg up and aim it right on that sucker to have the precision that this catastrophe had.

Now I'm dressed in my wedge heels and flowing skirt, scrubbing urine off plastic toys and running the carpet cleaner looking like Donna Reed minus the pearls. All the while praying that I didn't end up smelling like dog pee while I meet all the people at the church I've attended ONCE before. Nothing seals a first impression like spritz of Eau de Pet Bladder.

Today's subject line quote is Fergie, "Glamorous." You can't accuse one of the Peas of not being able to spell...that's for sure.


  1. I totally feel your pain. There were days during maternity leave where I felt all I did was feed something or someone and then wait a few minutes to clean up what came out - whether it invovled cat puke, pee, or poop; dog pee or poop (and the occasional puke); or baby pee or poop. I thought if I just stopped feeding them, half my day would return to me as I wouldn't spend it cleaning up what came out.

    I also have a story. This happened when hub was gone and I was 9000 months pregnant. I woke up to find cat puke on the floor. Cleaned that up before the dogs ate it. Took out and fed everyone. Walk into bathroom to discover one cat on the counter projectile vomiting all over the bathroom (soooo not an exaggeration here). Clean it up and shower. Got out of the shower to find a wasp. Killed said wasp after chasing cat out of the bathroom and shutting the door "locking" in the wasp until I could get the Windex (what, it works!). Hear a weird sound. Investigate said sound and discover the other cat with massive diarrhea all over the newly cleaned hardwood floors. And he doesn't sit in one spot - no he rotates with every push to spread it alllllll over the place. Clean that up (and the litter boxes for good measure) and go to work where I get lectured over how I shouldn't be doing that stuff while pregnant. Ummm, who else was going to do it? Should I have called them while I was butt-naked to kill a wasp and clean up cat puke, pee, and diarrhea??? seriously?

    Enjoyed last night and can't wait to see you guys again!

  2. That's quite an event! It was like the bodily fluid apocalypse. Geez...



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