Monday, March 2, 2009

Yeah, kharma's a bitch. Hey, um, is anyone curious as to HOW he got in there?

So...I was going to post this yesterday but it turned out to be a challenging day and I didn't get a chance to. So ignore all the present tense or just imagine that this is yesterday...

I want a day off. As a mom, I work 24 freakin' 7 because even when the offspring is sleeping, I'm dreaming about having to rescue him from falling into a vat of molten poison...that he then drinks. I want a day off. As a "Navy Wife," I just put in overtime at my underpaid job as a stay-at-homer.

No, I don't need a day off and this is not me being stressed out over having to change 1,932,847,893,274,347 diapers per day. This is more about justice. I want equality. Everyone else hates their craptastic jobs on days just as much as me (though you guys probably don't get the pleasure of watching a toddler chase our asshole cat around the kitchen while screaming at a barely audible octave). I actually like spending time with Michael and the hubs is a fantastic guy. This isn't about that. This is about order being trumped by chaos, as usual.

I preplanned this day off. I went to bed at 8:30 last night. I also set my alarm for 6:00. I did all of this to ensure a shower before the munchkin woke up and we would be ready to go to the daycare program at Megagym by 9:00.

Because my dogs wanted luxuries like food and peeing outside in the 40 degree weather, it didn't happen that way. Michael woke up at 6:15 instead of 7:30. There was no showering until the first nap and by the time he woke up, it just wasn't worth dropping him off for an hour of "me" time.

I ended up taking him to Wal-Mart with me. BAD IDEA. The kid was trying to escape the shopping cart like he was attempting to flee a beating. Which, by the way, it looks like I have been punching him because of all the bruises he's acquired from tripping so much. He even tripped on a hanger in the dressing room as I was trying to smash my boobs into a workout top for yoga.

Then I picked up some sodas off the shelf and knocked over another 12 pack right onto the floor. It exploded, I got sprayed in the face with Diet Rite. Kharma much? The last time I was there I "deftly aquired" some eyeshadow, remember?

Ready for the kicker? The night before I ran out of soda and ordered a pizza just to have them deliver me a 2 liter of Diet Coke and I wouldn't have to endure a trip out like this. Except the delivery guy didn't show up with my drink, and I had to wait an hour for him to return guessed it...Regular Pepsi.

Okay Universe, you've had your fun. Now give me a break.

Today's subject line quote is Sherrif Jack Carter, "Eureka" (2006) {Family Reunion (#2.7)}.

1 comment:

  1. I'm so glad to know I'm not the only one who orders pizza just because I don't want to go buy some soda. I haven't done it in a while since we don't drink it really any more, but thanks for the memories!! LOL

    And also? It's going to be okay. I just can't tell you when.

    P.S. Any time you want a break, you can drop him off with us. Or I can come down there again. I promise this time I'll even attempt to change the slimy diapers.



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