I've caught something that's been going around and I have now given it to my husband. I'm not talking about the stomach bug that's been causing major barfage--though, I may have that as well.
This is much more serious. It's epidemic that inevitably keeps society going and growing. I've got the fever people! Baby Fever.
From a statistical standpoint, it was an inevitability. I first contracted it back in 2006 after being exposed to Meredith's first round. Once you've had the fever, you're far more likely to develop symptoms in the future--especially after being in close contact of mothers with multiple or small children.
There is no set "cure" for Baby Fever. After the initial exposure, the fever will either burn itself out or develop into a much more serious condition which eventually leads to the removal of a large growth from the uterus.
Luckily, there are precautions that can be taken to prevent the growth from gestating often known in common vernacular as "birth control." It will not treat the fever, but does give the affected patient time to assess the sickness and prepare for the onset of symptoms.
Symptoms that develop in Stage 1: Pre-growth Fever
uncontrollable verbal skills near infants that cause the patient to involuntarily say "awwww," sporadic bouts of crying near children, young and fluffy animals, and Pampers commercials, illusions of grandeur that allow the affected to believe they can withstand extended periods of time without sleep, a compelling need to spread the fever to your significant other
Symptoms that develop in Stage 2: Growth Inutero
extreme irritability, incessable hunger leading to the expulsion of the patient from all-you-can-eat buffets, vomitus maximus, back pain, knee pain, foot pain, neck pain, vagina pain, a magnetic force around your belly that pulls in old ladies to touch it, sensitivity to stupid people
And those are just the ailments that occur in women who contract Baby Fever. So what happens when men, like Dominic, are affected? They gain 20 lbs. after sympathetically craving sushi and ribs for 9 months.
We haven't moved from Stage 1 yet, so with some home remedy treatments (exposing ourselves to ill-mannered, screaming toddlers and taking vacations without children) we might beat this thing before it becomes much more serious.
Today's subject line quote is Daria, "Daria" (1997) {The Teachings of Don Jake (#1.12)}.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
Even if I am the only one around here who comments on these insightful blogs of yours, I'm going to keep on keeping on. Fighting the good fight. Representing all the peeps who read, but do not comment.
ReplyDeleteI am not sure how I feel about knowing you've got the fever. I am still reeling from the fact that you and Dom are currently the favorites since you have the first one. To have two will solidly seal the deal and the rest of us have no fighting chance. So unfair. You with your blonde hair and cute little baby, you. grrr.
I am so firmly in the grip of stage 1, that I've been making thousands of little sim babies. Turns out, I can't take care of a third baby on the Sims, so you would think that would ease the fever, but it so doesn't.
ReplyDeleteSeeing you two with the fever makes me want to get shots. I feel like I'm watching people with malaria; I know that you're really sick, and at risk of dread sequelae (including sugrical removal of embeded parasites,) but you seem so gripped by the delusory giddiness that I feel happy for you.
ReplyDelete