I'd like to start today's post by informing everyone that it is sponsored by Barnes and Noble's free WiFi and not the internet at the gym. Not that I haven't been whipping my buns into a firm and extraordinary shape. Because I have been going, just using the facilities for working out instead of exploiting the daycare center for typing time. But Barnes and Noble? That requires driving north on a long strip of nothing for about 30 minutes until reaching the giant chunk of land where all civilization is located. So long Slidouche, it's my morning off!
Do you know how long it's been since I've had a Saturday free, much less to myself? We're in the middle of birthday season. Almost every child I know was born between between the months of April and June; therefore, all of my weekends are full of various venues full of kids running laps, hyped up on cake that I can't eat. Okay, shouldn't eat.
But since I know what anxiety is spawned by spending hours planning a party that will astound your child, entertain the guests, and not have to apply for a loan in order to pay for it, only to have 2 of the 30 some odd RSVPs actually show--I genuinely want to go to these things. What's a few hours for some kids' happiness right? Even if 3 hours magically turns into all...freaking...day...when you include packing a diaper bag, travel time, and having to physically lift the 35 lb. preschooler up over your shoulder and run him out to the car even though he'll LOVE it when he gets there, but refuses to do anything but sit in his pajamas eating cereal for 4 hours every morning.
So I guess my point is actually simple:
Parents and Parent Wannabes, STOP HAVING SEX IN LATE SUMMER.
I'm not factoring in the "surprises," so maybe that will even out the amount of Springtime babies. It won't do anything for the kids Michael's age that eff up my weekends, but perhaps Ivy's friends will have the decency to spread themselves along the calender. Seriously, I have chores to do and I don't want to pay a teenager 10 bucks an hour on a Tuesday morning so that I can do them.
Today's subject line quote is from Fringe (2008): Over There: Part I.
2 years ago