Tuesday, April 5, 2011

They gave me medication. So I feel how I imagine people of average intelligence feel, all the time.

"Bet you never thought you'd be covered in baby blood, huh?"  It's true, I never pictured myself with my infant daughter's blood all over my pink Tinkerbell tee, but as my husband said it--everything became less surreal.  It snapped me back into the green-walled room of the pediatric ward where I began to process what had happened in the last several hours--that our 3 month old hadn't eaten and become so dehydrated that two nurses and a phlebotomist pricked her limbs so badly, she bled all over the emergency room linens and my clothes.  The storms had also knocked out power to most of the area until after midnight (and therefore the elevators), so I carefully carried her up four flights of stairs as to not detach her from the precious saline hep-lock it had taken nearly 2 hours to get right.

How did it get to this?  Weren't we just fighting to get out of the hospital from Ivy's birth?  She's 12 weeks old and has spent approximately one quarter of her life in a hospital.  The NICU staff assured me that she wouldn't be chronically ill after winning the battle with her lungs--she was a normal baby, healthy.  So two and a half months later, we land ourselves back in?

It does seem to be happenstance, coincidence, or what-have-you.  It was an innocent virus that caused her to lose appetite and become dehydrated.  There was never any real threat of impending death, but hearing doctor's throw out terms like meningitis, spinal tap, and kidney ultrasound didn't help my already trembling body and belabored mind.   I want a healthy child! Not having to choose which child I get to see per day.  Happenstance or not, I'm tired of being recognized by the hospital nursing staff. 

We are on the mend, and this is what I have to say:

My declaration to the universe--I'm done with dumb luck.  In the last 3 months we have had medical crisis, the presage of evicting the tenants from our rental, our estimated moving date changed 3 times (causing major planning problems for preschool applications and finding a rental), and the threat of a delayed paycheck--all while coping with personal emotional issues for both my husband and self and keeping up with a cranky, incontinent dog.  I need some honestly good, no strings attached, stress-free news.  Also some time to do our taxes.

Today's subject line quote is from "Bones" Harbingers in a Fountain (2009).

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