Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Bees or monkeys, yes. Sociopaths, no.

Did I ever tell you about the time I got squirted in the face with crab-leg saliva at the Golden China Buffet? I never really thought of it as a mind-blowing story that I could spend a whole blog on, but it was an awkward Cassidy moment at it's finest.

We're sitting in a booth at the local Chinese buffet down the street from our house and Michael's being a holy terror. Imagine a monkey, like a small Capuchin or another species that is small and agile enough to leap across a six foot gap from tree to tree, jumping on the seat and climbing up Dom's shoulders to sit on his head. That's what we had, only we had a blonde monkey-child who also has two volumes of mute and earbleedingly loud. Guess which one he busted out for this occasion?

That's when the nostalgic, middle-aged, empty nester decided to come over and do us the favor of sitting behind our table and "entertaining" Michael. Zoos have cages for a reason, lady. They don't ask random onlookers to come and play ball with the apes every time one starts to throw poop and fondle it's junk...I think I can handle my own child at the buffet. And, of course, he just gets more rowdy from all the extra attention.

So in the rare moments when I was actually eating and not running to the potty for an emergency toddler poop break, I found myself in a bit of a cross mood. That's when I noticeably started wiping my forehead and looking around rather perturbed to see why the ceiling was dripping on me.

That's when I made eye contact with the man at the booth next to us who was about the same shade of red as the pair of crab legs he was digging into. He was nearly crying out of embarrassment and I'm trying to redeem myself from making it a "big deal" from my exaggerated facial expressions and hand gestures I had done not 30 seconds previously.

The worst part is that this couple had been really quiet and not making a big whoop over our son being released into the wild. They were minding their own business and just pretending he wasn't there. The least I could do is let him shoot me in the eye with crab-juice spit, right?

Today's subject line quote is "House, M.D." (2007) {Act your Age}.


  1. lmao....this so reminds me of the last time I was at the casino. I was eating dungeness crab legs. They are HUGE. Anyway I was attempting to remove one part from the other when it slipped out of my hand & flew across the room & nearly hit a woman. Well....it just kinda passed in front of her. Like a driveby if you will. I apologised but she just snarled at me & walked off. Well....I died laughing. I mean really lady its not like I crab juice spit at you.

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