Friday, April 3, 2009

I hand selected them with careful consideration to group dynamics.

Social circles involve all kinds of horrific and annoying people. Not all are the same level of civil atrocity and depending on what person you are, "the worst" is always subjective. Over the years I've met rainbow of headaches in the form of people. I'm guessing most of you have met someone that could fall under one of these categories too.

The Escape Artist

He or she is a master of self-defensive maneuvers, and by that I don't mean a wicked set of karate chops and sweep kicks. This person has an excuse for everything. They've given stubbornness a face and it's staring you right in the eyes. These types have a million problems they have to share with you, but secretly like their troubles because of the attention they receive. Here's an example:

EA: "My foot is on fire."
Joe Schmo: "Throw water on it!"
EA: "I would, but I don't want to get wet."
JS: "Fire extinguisher?"
EA: I'm allergic to things that might help me. I'll just wait it out.

The Therapist

This Dear Abby will undoubtedly get tired of the Escape Artist's shenanigans quickly because he/she is an advice giver to the point of needing a real therapist. "Therapists" think their crappy experiences give them the authority and heroic calling to inform everyone that "What you need to do is..."


Have a really great story involving dancing elephants and a tour bus breaking down in front of your house? Great, but the One-Upper had Dinosaurs in tutus drive a trash truck through a neighbor's window.

I'm naturally a bit of a One-Upper. It's not intentional or as extreme as most true OU's, but I do feel compelled to share story for story. I've met a new group of moms via recently. They're normal. All pretty down-to-earth and even sometimes funny. More importantly, they laugh at my humor instead of just staring at me with a why are you still talking look.

Which is why I'm trying to mute myself every other conversational topic. Not everyone has to hear EVERY story I might have been reminded of. That's what I have a blog for.

Today's subject line quote is Hodges, "CSI: Crime Scene Investigation" (2000) {Lab Rats (#7.20)}.


  1. I think I am a one-upper. Crap. Maybe there is a cure?

  2. Oh yeah? Well I'm a TWO-upper!

  3. I think maybe I'm a combination of the therapist and the one-upper, for which I apologize :) However, I hope I have never stared you down, because I adore the things you have to say and have never, ever wanted you to stop talking (even if you're one-upping me...I love a good story).

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  5. I really like telling stories, and I assume that everyone else will be just as fascinated with my story as I am with theirs. It's not my fault if, once in a while, my story just happens to be a tad bit cooler, I probably liked your story better any how. P.S. I missed your mention of the defensive, over-sensitive friend. And stop trying to toughen me up!

  6. Crap, that wasn't supposed to post twice! Why can't that happen with tequila instead?



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