Come on, I can't stand watching my delusional friend waste another precious Halloween! Ted, the slutty pumpkin is not coming!

Good morning, readers. Have you missed me? Because I love your little noggins too much to overload them with this weekend's tests and triumphs, I've decided to break up my posts. You know, be kind--rewind? Now let's take a journey all they way back to Friday, October 31.

HALLOWEEN

I was already up to my neck chores and motherly duties by Thursday when I contracted the virus that Michael was so kind to share with me. As you might remember, the dogs tore apart the favor bags while I was gone and made a royal mess of my afternoon. Luckily, I have a fabulous husband who sent me to bed. While I was dreaming in a feverish sweat, he remade the bags, took care of dinner, and entertained Michael.

Let me preface these many posts with this, I had many goals and expectations for this busy weekend. Unfortunately, I had not finished my costume by now and away flew Goal #1: finish making costumes early in the week so that I didn't rush and end up sewing my fingers to a dress that I wear to the emergency room.

I didn't sew any appendages to the dress, but I did stick my index finger a bunch with a hand held needle. I also left a raw hem and the back of the dress looked like I attached the zipper playing a game of pin the tail on the donkey. I didn't even try the dress on until Friday night. And there I stabbed my next expectation right in the heart. Goal #2: Don't look like a douchebag on Halloween.

Apparently I thought I was going as Fat Dorothy because the top was about 2 sizes too big. I'm actually sinching it up with my other hand in the back in this picture. Whatever, I just looked like an asshat trick-or-treating. Which that was going to happen anyway, because I'm taking a one year old who can't eat any of the candy.

And that brings me to Goal #3: Let Michael have a blast trick-or-treating. Nope. He was super cranky as we were getting ready to go out the door. Once we had him in the stroller, the walk calmed him down but since his mom was going as Fat Dorothy, he wanted to be Catatonic Toto.

Dom's costume was right on, even down to the straw for brains. He kept forgetting to hold out the pumpkin to collect candy.

Of all said and done this Halloween, I did make a few goals this year. Goal #4: Carve a kickass pumpkin without a pattern. I didn't do it until 3 p.m. on the 31st, but damnit I did it! Mine was the witch, Dom did the cool face.

And lastly, Goal #5: Eat my son's trick-or-treat candy. What? I gave him a piece. He didn't like it.

Oh well, Goal #6: Have a blogworthy Halloween.